Determined to hear what she shouldn´t

I walk right out, i scole myself i run and jump and slow myself, i ask myself, i wonder why, i never try, i never try.i see myself as otherwise, i cannot hide, i search and strive.but halt.i stop. i stop and watch.i play through what it is i want. i walk right on, i thought it through, the history with me and you, no reason for what i can´t do. i ride along, i sing a song, inspired by what i can´t try, i tell myself there is no sense, no feeling that i feel intense, its just another game i play, remind myself of what to say, of how to act and what to do, i´ll never make it up to you.forgive me dear i did not know, that passing time at such slow pace, could be so sullen full of grace. i did not know, i hadn´t learned that time was something that i earned. i wonder. i wonder. i think of all the others. what is it they do, to keep themselves from walking on or passing through? but halt. i stop. i know what i forgot, i weigh the edges of my pride, i ask myself, i wonder why- regardless of the stones i throw, regardless of their weight, i stand there tall i stand there straight, i huss and fuss, i make mistakes. at last. at last. but then at last. i walk right on, right through the song, i sing it right, i hear your tune, i hear it there, right in my ear, i´ve learned to listen very clear, but just not to the things you see, the things we do, the time we use, the usefull time, you use my time with no clear line. i will be fine. i leave your house, i walk on home. i don´t turn back, i do not phone. i wish i realised it right and that i felt at home tonight, but walking out was only good and leads our time to where it should.

-sometime september 07